Inspiration from Frustration

Many mornings, I wake up exhausted and frustrated from moving my husband, Dennis’s, lifeless legs and arms during the night, attempting to make him comfortable. It feels like a nocturnal wrestling match—except no one wins.

When I was approaching 50 and thought, “I cannot fix my husband’s situation, but I can grow through it, but how?” Inspiration whispered in my ear, and I began this journey…

I hoped this project would reframe my life. It didn’t. It opened my soul.

A CRIPPLES DRUDGE FROLICS TO FIFTY AND BEYOND

Before we start, let’s figure out if my ramblings are worth your time. Are you fun? If you paused to think you might not be, there are many blogs about organization and plodding through life semi-conscious. Just Google, joyless living!

Now that it’s just us, let’s chat.

I love to have fun, and at its core, this blog is about creating fun and personal growth in all circumstances.

My blog is also a lot about being a caregiver; everyone will be eventually, even if you’re just caring for your cat, Gertrude. I have heard old cats can be a trial.

Get comfy, get a cocktail, tea, whatever you fancy; I’m enjoying a particularly excellent month of Cabernet box wine.

Let’s start at the beginning of this idea. So I’m turning 50 this year. Big deal, right? So are millions of men and women. Well, it is a big deal for every one of us! It is a time for reflection and contemplation of the meaning of life, otherwise known as a good old-fashioned nervous breakdown.

I am aware that no one will probably read this except my children, who will do so enthusiastically and provide thoughtful, engaging feedback. Why would my busy 20-something kids do this? They love me. And my wounded face is tragic.

First, I need to explain what a “cripples drudge” is.

Webster’s definition of Cripple: a. offensive. A term refers to someone partially or totally unable to use one or more limbs.

Drudge: a person who does menial, distasteful, or hard work.

Cripple & Drudge = ME!

My daughter, Amanda, and I love the Masterpiece Classic series, Downton Abbey. The show is where I found my official title. We love the acerbic Dowager Countess (played to perfection by Maggie Smith). When she discussed her granddaughter marrying a man with a bum arm (oh my God, how did he carry on), she said, “Is this to be Edith’s life, an old cripples drudge?” Upon hearing this, my daughter and I laughed hysterically. My husband is 13 years my senior and classified as a quadriplegic. Indeed, I am an old cripples drudge!

As a full-time caregiver, I don’t receive a paycheck or anything tangible from acknowledging what I do with my life, AHHHHHH; now I have a title I wear with great pride and honor,

Cripples Drudge!

That title makes it sound like I am a saint who works tirelessly. Yes, caregiving is hard, … really hard sometimes. Days can be exhausting. Almost every day, my heart breaks a little more. Multiple Sclerosis is stealing my husband painfully slowly. With each tear in the myelin sheath of his nerves, he loses a physical ability.

Nonetheless, I’m not sure about a lot in life, but I am 100% positive it is what I am called to be doing right now. Being in the palm of God’s purpose for your life is sublime.

Plus, my life is nothing close to drudgery. Some days, Dennis is doing great, and we can be found at the local bar drinking wine at noon. On other days, we nap in the afternoon or, my favorite, hang out in my hot tub, drink wine, watch Masterpiece Theater, and yell out the plot twists to Dennis, who is not listening.

There you have it. I am a cripples drudge, officially hitting middle age, in search of more love, insight, connection, compassion, and more from herself!

I write to understand myself, but maybe any readers will get something out of this, even if it is just a good laugh at me! You will not be the first or the last, and I am fine with providing comedic relief at my expense.

So, based on my values, my friend Bombay Sapphire and I devised a list of ten things to accomplish.

Putting this list out in the public domain will keep me accountable! So hold on to your Spanx. Here we go!

I will post as I accomplish each task. Hit the menu and then post; I have already done #1 and #2. So Kyle, Amanda, Katie, and Dennis press the “Frolicking at Fifty” follow button. I love you guys!

*Disclaimer for my mother. I do not have a drinking problem. She is very worried that people will think so. References to excessive drinking are for comedic effect.